He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
