My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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