Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
