I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
