no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
