Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
