Four minutes until I can fart!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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