All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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