You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
