No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
