I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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