haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
