Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
