There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
