were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
