Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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