Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
