Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
