Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
