Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
