My liver just broke up with me...
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
