I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
