i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
