"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
