Where are you?
In a non slutty way
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
