don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm sobbing to NWA
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