i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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