something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
