well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
