my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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