i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
