I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
