Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
