we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
