Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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