If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
It's just like the Real World with babies
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
