i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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