She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
