It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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