peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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