Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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