Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
COCAINE IS GR8
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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