I'm going to jail i love you
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
