i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
