someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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