no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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