living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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