how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
