At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
there is puke in my bra ... again
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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