i just google imaged poop.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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