Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
