They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
